last week we were dying of heat for several days in a row and i had to sleep at my mom's, who is one of the three people in oregon who actually has air conditioning. initially i berated her for being such a CO2 hoarder, but i’ve had to swallow my words and spend lots of time in her kitchen, laughing and drinking coffee and having some camaraderie around how to deal with my dad, who moved in with her. they’ve been divorced since I was five, and he’s quite a character. i’ll leave it at that for now and save the details of his tenacious idiosyncrasies for another post.
it was an additionally agonizing week because it was my last full week off, and going back to work was looming right around the corner. i know, i know, i shouldn't complain-- i've been off for 2 months straight with teacher privilege and I shouldn’t get too much sympathy, but it’s been such an exhausting joy to be at home with the bugzerella mozzarella that I was beginning to develop the mama guilt pang, and was sorrowfully anticipating the loss of so much time to play and homestead and water the garden in our underwear. alex, the person responsible for a portion of adah’s cute genes, put my brain in check by asking, “is there anything you’re looking forward to about going back to work?” and it got me thinking, and the answer was yes. with the time off came some extra rejuvenation and energy to be present with my 19 other children. i pledged to use my planning period well, i pledged to get there early every day so i can really hear what my kids have to say in the morning, i pledged to not hate hyper vigilant parents, and some of the bureaucracy at work. i pledged lots of things, so watch me go.
the first day leaving part was not so bad, actually. it was pouring and felt like fall and i didn’t feel like i’d be missing out on too much fun. adah, who is currently obsessed with the prospect of preschool and spending her days with other little people who subscribe to the belief that everything is theirs, was happy to be headed down the street to progressive catholic bible camp (yes, the lesbians sent their kid to bible camp, although i did ask my friends who organized it, “did you have to call it that?) with her boots and raincoat on. as i was driving away, she looked like a walking umbrella-- all i could see was her feet under the black nylon umbrella sky, and my mom’s loving presence beside her. it was a sweet sight.
in other news, auntie amanda came to visit from the lonely st. louis. i met amanda at a hotel in the netherlands in 1997. i arrived there from dublin with a broken heart, and she was my primary heart fixer-upper through the 4 european countries we women’s-studied through. this is the woman who, after adah was born, began a onesie line with great phrases stamped on, such as, “already smarter than the president!”, “look at my biceps,” and in honor of our second generation of man-riding-bike-over-with-sperm-sample-to-help-the-lesbians-conceive: “created by generations of queer love.” it was a pleasure to see her and try to convince her to move here immediately to cure me once again of really good friend deprivation.
lastly, i broke down and bought an iphone after months of trying not to want one. i know, jesus might not be proud. i pawned off adah’s crib and sha-zam! became highly, highly distracted with my new technological magician. it even randomly calls sarah hunter at 2:00 a.m. (sorry!)
it was an additionally agonizing week because it was my last full week off, and going back to work was looming right around the corner. i know, i know, i shouldn't complain-- i've been off for 2 months straight with teacher privilege and I shouldn’t get too much sympathy, but it’s been such an exhausting joy to be at home with the bugzerella mozzarella that I was beginning to develop the mama guilt pang, and was sorrowfully anticipating the loss of so much time to play and homestead and water the garden in our underwear. alex, the person responsible for a portion of adah’s cute genes, put my brain in check by asking, “is there anything you’re looking forward to about going back to work?” and it got me thinking, and the answer was yes. with the time off came some extra rejuvenation and energy to be present with my 19 other children. i pledged to use my planning period well, i pledged to get there early every day so i can really hear what my kids have to say in the morning, i pledged to not hate hyper vigilant parents, and some of the bureaucracy at work. i pledged lots of things, so watch me go.
the first day leaving part was not so bad, actually. it was pouring and felt like fall and i didn’t feel like i’d be missing out on too much fun. adah, who is currently obsessed with the prospect of preschool and spending her days with other little people who subscribe to the belief that everything is theirs, was happy to be headed down the street to progressive catholic bible camp (yes, the lesbians sent their kid to bible camp, although i did ask my friends who organized it, “did you have to call it that?) with her boots and raincoat on. as i was driving away, she looked like a walking umbrella-- all i could see was her feet under the black nylon umbrella sky, and my mom’s loving presence beside her. it was a sweet sight.
in other news, auntie amanda came to visit from the lonely st. louis. i met amanda at a hotel in the netherlands in 1997. i arrived there from dublin with a broken heart, and she was my primary heart fixer-upper through the 4 european countries we women’s-studied through. this is the woman who, after adah was born, began a onesie line with great phrases stamped on, such as, “already smarter than the president!”, “look at my biceps,” and in honor of our second generation of man-riding-bike-over-with-sperm-sample-to-help-the-lesbians-conceive: “created by generations of queer love.” it was a pleasure to see her and try to convince her to move here immediately to cure me once again of really good friend deprivation.
lastly, i broke down and bought an iphone after months of trying not to want one. i know, jesus might not be proud. i pawned off adah’s crib and sha-zam! became highly, highly distracted with my new technological magician. it even randomly calls sarah hunter at 2:00 a.m. (sorry!)
2 comments:
it is a joy to see your words (hear you talking!) from so far away. we miss you all from way down here in oakland. XXX, rooms
makes me feel warm inside
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