our singing bird: the archives of adah: August 2010

goodbye summer.

while anne dealt with some family stuff, and rested up for a hectic work week ahead, bug and i had an absolutely splendid end-of the-summer road trip to CA. we got to see many of my favorite people, and it was totally rejuvinating. we told appalling stories of our younger years, ate a lot of good food and fancy ice cream, had a pool party/barbeque, went to the zoo, the beach, a whimsical fairyland, and generally had a lot of good time together. notably, thanks to bff babysitters, i also had some time to talk uninterruptedly with my buddies, and have a couple of separate adventures with them. notably, my child willingly agreed to stay with folks she hasn't seen since she was 2. it was beautiful.

i have to say, i find it a bit anxiety provoking to bring my kid with me to visit people who don't have kids. i tend to feel like we're a big nuisance for a number of reasons. additionally, adah has some strange communication techniques, like randomly screaming at people, or growling at them like she's a feral cat when people try and speak to her. however, it was really striking to witness how comfortable my curmedgeon was with my friends. i expected she wouldn't speak to them for four days or so, but by day two, she was holding alicia and michelle's hands, taking some risks on the monkey bars with laura, and fluttering with her through the forest like a pair of pretty butterflies. she was actually conversing with people with words instead of meow's! can i just say how awesome my friends are? and how great my kid is?

this is a picture of her having just arrived at erica and dana's house. totally relaxed! let's keep this one for the record since normally she clings to me in any new environment (even if she's been there many times before). after dinner we all played "BOO!" a game in which we tried to scare the hiccups out of each other. uncle dana even jumped off a roof for effect, and michelle came running out of the house with a paper bag on her head. it's no wonder she had a great time.

***
but now it's sunday, and time for the Sunday Night Anxiety Attack to resume. back to work tomorrow! an early IEP meeting before the school year officially begins, and lots of curriculum reorganizing to do. hoping for a great year...

redwood regional park

happy fairy in the woods.

a couple of monkeys.

a playful dr. fraser...

fluttering butterflies...

cue a joni mitchell song

'cause we're in california! from the looks of this photo, you might think we were in mexico again, but nope-- we're in laura and jesse's beautiful backyard in oakland.

i was haggard before we began. i lost our traveling money, and couldn't sleep the night before we left since my brain was busy berating myself because of it. i planned on going to sleep at 6pm so i could wake up at 3:00 am and drive through the rest of the night, seamlessly crossing off half the driving before arriving in ashland for breakfast. but i woke up to adah having peed all over me, and before i even began driving i needed some toothpicks to keep my eyes open. i hoped bug would sleep for the entire first half of the drive, since it was the middle of the night and all, but she successfully slept for ONE WHOLE HOUR. thankfully she was very amused by ivy and bean audio cd's. so amused that as the elevation got higher, i pulled over to sleep for a half an hour under a pear tree while she found out exactly how many tricks the two girls could play on bean's older sister.

despite the rough beginning, we actually had a great trip. we listened to lots of books and loud music, had a walking tour of ashland's best bakeries, she watched a movie and ate lots of snacks, we stopped at the jelly belly factory and voila! 14 hours later we arrived to food on the table, great friends, and a much needed rest.

how is it the middle of august already?

i've been on a blogging hiatus lately, mostly due to a complete lack of alone time. i've been in a bit of a motherly rut. the summer is setting and i'm going to miss all of its glory when i go back to work in a couple of weeks, but i've also been a bit bogged down with my role of being the full-on stay-at-home parent lately.

i absolutely love my 8 weeks "off" in the summer. i'm the type of person who likes a change of scenery, change of schedule, etc., to keep myself intrigued and happy. also, during the school year, i feel guilty for spending what seems like more time with other people's children, and i love to make up for this during the summer. for the first 4 weeks of july i totally love that the kid gets to come everywhere with me. there is so much to savor until i go completely insane and The Tone takes over my larnyx. i can only be needed so much, and there's a self inside me that has needs, too. many unmet needs.

for instance, i need time to walk quickly and let the world go by in a heart-pumping-faster blur. i need a little time to read actual books, sit in a coffee shop by myself, consider writing a letter, exercise. i need to learn how to sew and embroider better and pickle. i need to declutter and clean out the basement, which i've been attempting to do for a few years now. i need time to build relationships with friends, which requires some uninterrupted conversation time... to name a few things.

several weeks ago i was totally inspired by this post about "me time." it was written by a brooklyn teacher-mom who also has the summer off. and you know what she does? she chooses to send at least one child to daycare every day. isn't that audacious, in a great way? a couple years ago i may have scoffed, but not now. attachment parenting has frankly sucked the life out of me. i am torn between the worlds of incessant connection and independence, for both me and bug.

she says, "It means I can use the summer for its true teacherly purpose… that is to recover from all of the energy I have spent on other people’s children for the past ten months. Me in June is not pretty or nice. It is wiped out tired cranky old beeotch. I will not subject my kids to that."

triple uh-huh to that. now if only i could actually implement a plan of action to have more alone time than i currently get without the burden of guilt, that'd be great...