on weaning and emotionality:

i interrupt the celebratory halloween festivities to take some notes on weaning. google "weaning and emotionality" and what do you get? this article: "Effects of Post-Weaning Enrichment and Isolation Upon Emotionality and Brain Weight in the Mouse." no shit. not helpful.

i've been on the verge of tears for days, and i've been wandering around blaming my period, the wonderfully depressing great lake swimmers album i play on repeat, anne and i clashing through a complicated period of grief...and then it hit me, that on top of these things, our daughter decided that she didn't want to have anything to do with me.

okay, so that's a slight exaggeration, but i had to work my ass off last week at parent teacher conferences and couldn't put her to bed for several nights in a row, which has only ever happened once or twice before because i really cherish that time. you know, when it's cherishable and not a fight. i love discussing the day with her and talking about tomorrow's plans. i love hearing what's she's thankful for, and how she sings in that crackly voice. i love the questions she asks when we read and how she tucks in her dolls, letting them hog most of the bed.

so at the end of last week, even though i was finally available, the kid declared that she not only wanted almond milk, but she wanted her maddy to put her to bed. and when she woke up the next morning and i excitedly went to get her, she started screaming, "i want my other mama!" i was immediately brought back to the long beginning of adah's life, when i was the only one who could soothe her and it was so heartbreaking to anne. she got the serious non-biological lesbian mom shaft, and just had to wait patiently. now it's my turn. open up, heart.

so i have not nursed her to sleep for over a week now. she still wants a little milk in the mornings, but only if anne isn't around. i don't welcome the detachment, but i do honor what she needs, even though it hurts a little, this physical and emotional distancing.

and the drag queen said to adah,

"what are you for halloween?"

i love me some noodles

(mama mia trattoria 10/19/08)

thank you auntie liz...

for consistently sending the most fabulous mail. the envelopes themselves are a treat, not to mention the reams of stickers and books and cloth seahorse pins. amazing. turns out the kid is a mail devotee just like one of her mothers.

oh, the beauty!

(at fir point farms in canby, oregon)

what adah's been up to lately...

wondering if each character in every book has two moms, young women's olympic soccer, hide- and-seek with people or stuffed animals or leftover eggs from easter, discovering the physical ailments of every doll and animal in the house (this area is anne's speciality), asking questions about what it was like when she was a baby, learning how to dress and undress herself, and defying logic on a regular basis.

we are in the midst of looking at preschools, which is causing quite the anxious stir in my brain because there are so many great ones in the neighborhood, but they are all so markedly different. a dual language program? a small, home-based waldorfey place? a preschool run by a woman i know is an exceptional person and teacher, but whose preschool only has a parking lot and no grass or garden? i've crossed montessori off the list, but only because i work in a building that's connected to a montessori school and i happen to overhear things that drive me nuts: like forcing children to be silent while walking down the sidewalk, or saying the word "no" profusely, instead of finding a more clever way to redirect. this is not the montessori school we'd be sending her to anyway, but i'm just trying to narrow down the list here.

if you ask adah what kind of preschool she'd like to go to, it would have to have these characteristics, in this order: "doll cribs, blocks, cows, roller coasters, books, trucks, kitchens, dolls, blankies, and everything."

she's not particular either!

saturdays are for doing nothing and crafts

happy autumn, everyone.

rattle doctor (the video is now working)

i love how the wifey plays with our child. she is so great at rolling up her sleeves and getting on her hands and knees to foster some fantastic imaginative play. i'm not very good at this. i'm better at rolling up my sleeves and doing crafts, taking pictures while she paints, saying, "here, kid, let me show you how to braid a loaf of challah!" and reading books while modeling comprehension strategies.

so anyway, here are my love birds, playing doctor with animals and dolls, adah's favorite game lately. each of them has a different physical ailment. her doll circle, (yes, that's her name) had thrush the other day and her penguin recently had an infection. adah ran across the room saying, "i'll be right back. i'm going to the infection store for some medicine!" in this video scene at the crandall clinic, dr. had to fix a rattle.

so, so pretty!

you look pretty today, ms. nealis.
you look like a daisy.
no, you look like a peach in a meadow.
so pretty.
…

i kid you not. these are the precise and hilarious words i just heard as i was xeroxing something in the teacher's lounge, courtesy of an anonymous 13 year old girl. the sweetness of it improved my mood immensely, in my current state of panic about how i am going to be a good mom, partner, chef, and person who now has to write a goddamn thesis. i have been procrastinating on the latter for several years now. i may be in the running for person it takes the longest to acquire a master's degree after enrollment-- we're talking snail pace here.

so the time has come. after much family debating, i decided to enroll in this action research class on wednesday nights, after my especially long day at work, which pretty much means that i will have the opportunity to see my daughter for approximately 30 minutes each wednesday for the next 24 weeks, which makes me want to question where my priorities are. on the other hand, there are certainly things i like about being in school, especially under the guidance of a good professor, who i'm already sure i've got. i'm pretty sure it's going to be one of those slightly painful experiences that leave you feeling all exuberant at the end: you know, the epitome of a good, old fashioned learning experience. i try and remind my own students of this at the beginning of each semester when i'm explaining the reading requirements in my class, but they don't listen. i have a hard time hearing it, as well, but it's true. i’m trying to appreciate this brain-stretching experience here. more on this later because i have to go get the kiddo and acquire some donations for an upcoming auction... but in the meantime, let’s all keep our fingers crossed that sarah palin makes another huge ass of herself tonight.