first letter to santa,


in the form of a small painting. adah wanted the letter to be "christmas pretty." fortunately she didn't assume santa was coming down the chimney because we have a fire going. and too many cookies to eat.
the duck chats too much for her taste, so she's giving it to santa to give it to someone who would appreciate all that quacking.

the kid's excitement is palpable.

happy season of giving!

wishing you all joy and hope and peacefulness...
the nealis-crandalls

greetings from the land of no snowplows

since the recipe for candied orange peel that i'm following is trying to coerce me to be patient (the peels are supposed to become translucent-looking after about an hour of soaking in syrup, and it's been two hours and then some), it seems as though i have a few minutes to write, even though the house is in disarray due to the marathon gift wrapping anne and i just did.

here is our child looking a little weary after traveling from the car to the front doorstep. even though anne shoveled, adah is still stunned by how deep the snow is. "remember when it snowed last year?" she asked earlier, and we informed her that that was nothin' compared to this. our bamboo and eucalyptus trees are stretched to the ground, poor things.

cousin kai and uncle darren made it just in time, before the snow had a chance to settle. the day after they arrived, adah had her first sledding adventure, and when grandma bonnie emails me pictures, i'll post them right away because they're to-die-for cute. she was a little horrified for the first 15 minutes, and then she wanted to sled entirely by herself while grinning. how two!
we braved errands today to avoid cabin fever, but throughout the past few days we've been drawing our own board games, playing restaurant, experimenting with glue, looking around the house for purple dragons, baking bread and cookies, and waiting for the won tons in our soup to rise. we also spent some time in nearby coffee shops, just to get out of the house. we brought a stack of books with us and left with chocolate mustaches.
i smell burning.
i swear to god, in the time it took me to write this, i just burned the orange peels and they are now crusted to the bottom of the pan. there goes one of my brother's christmas gifts. mesquite candied orange peels dipped in chocolate, anyone? so much for that culinary adventure! off to scrape
the pan...

snow day!

absolutely glorious. spent some time outside today (as much as we could-- the wind was about to remove skin from our face), then warmed up by the fire and had friends over for soup, bread, and tissue paper snowflake making. adding to this loveliness was the portland public school closure notice, which i received at 5:45. that gives me the whole night to bask in the glory of getting to "sleep in" in the morning. i might even jolt myself with some homemade chai, sit in the dark with my christmas tree, and write some cards. happy. want to meet the new members of our household? introducing chelsea and ezra...

saturday's trimming



this little tree is entirely bogged down with ornaments from my childhood. every year my godfather bought me a new ornament that reflected my interests for that year. investigating each one was one of adah's favorite parts of the day. we were all a little perplexed by the skiing hot dog one.
relaxing after a long day with lights while eva plays a little melody on the recorder.

the best time to blog is when you're procrastinating.

the only personal writing i've been able to afford lately involves bullet points. i'm bumping from one thing to the next with incredible speed, and my body is waiting to catch up with my mind. things will officially slow down after i get through the next few days. i will have written my last bunch of report card narratives, finished a slightly ridiculous paper that compares bread baking to educational action research, attended my last class, entertained 20 parents at an open house, and chaperoned a "girl power" festival at portland state, in addition to all the other stuff of daily life, like folding laundry in ways that drives anne nuts, and stashing raisins in spinach leaves for bug.

if you're wondering what's new in the life of the little one, you'll have to come on by and ask her, because she's been chatting up a storm lately, and very social. she is loving the early dark, the lights, the hopefulness of advent. she has also been really excited by the fact that our household is expanding, and a baby is moving in. did move in, as in this afternoon, with his mama, and we think it's gonna be a great fit. this afternoon, when anne was taking apart the washing machine due to a stuck little sock, adah and i baked a cake in preparation for their arrival, and afterwards, (don't tell ezra) she said, "let's go into the living room to find some things that i don't like anymore to give to ezra!" in no-pressure moments, we've been inundating her with conversations and stories about sharing and she, um, sort of got it.

she is also working hard on nighttime potty learning, which involves a lot of laundry and us pretending that we're not irritated by that. uh oh, i feel bullets coming on .

so there ya go, a few news bits. i'm looking forward to more relaxing evenings, the arrival of our tree, gift making at the dining room table, and in our kitchen. lots to be thankful for, even on the longest days...

progress!

december, 2007: december, 2008:

thanksgiving, 2008

sorry it's been so long--the keyboard had laryngitis. happy thanksgiving, everyone. this morning, when adding leaves to our gratitude tree, these are the things adah said she was thankful for: "apples and leaves, books, trains, blocks, grandmuhs, and my moms." thinking of abundance. love to all of you out there!

sunday morning in a tent

anne and adah, the inseparable love birds, are upstairs camped out in a tent that we dragged up from the basement, while i am at war with the APA style guide. which looks like more fun?

the light of a saturday afternoon

spent the afternoon nursing a friend's broken heart, and playing all sorts of things with kiddo. anne, specifically, as i was trying to get through the swamp of a lengthy literature review.

jubilance and novembering

first off, the election. holy shit, people. i know people have been saying this for days, but i really didn't see it happening in my lifetime, this electing a black president business. as my friend jonathan said, i didn't think it was in our country's DNA to let that happen, so i was quite wow-ed by the reality of it. whether or not we have hope that members of the government can exact the kind of radical changes we need in this country, it was indeed a monumental moment.

adah will one day ask, "where were you that night? what were you doing?" and i'll have to tell her that i was taking a bath and reading a novel while mccain was giving his concession speech because woops! i thought i had time for these things before more results were revealed. anyway, we spent the rest of the night rather glued to the TV, listening to the rowdy cheers and fireworks in the street. i exhausted myself with moodswings: excitement, followed by paranoid assassination fears, followed by more fireworks. it's not difficult for me to work myself into a tizzy. i felt kind of emotionally battered by the end of the week, and due to a lack of sleep, and trying to keep up with work and school and life, some christmas bulbs began to grow in the back of my throat. i was worn out.

so i decided to call in sick. this act used to cause me great anxiety, but i'm getting much better at it-- this act of declaring that it's important to take care of myself. i not only wanted the 7:30 a.m. sleep-in, but adah has had a couple of difficult weeks and the level of interventions required to get through the day without us both crumbling to the floor in tears told me that she needed some extra lovin', so i declared friday, november 7, 2008, a mama and adah day.

it was lovely. we lounged in bed reading a stack of books until we finally decided to eat breakfast, we painted, baked bread, went on a nature walk in the neighborhood to collect sticks and leaves and flowers for a project, and met joanna and zanna at the local soaking pool. pretty much a perfect specimen of a day.

now that i'm all relaxed, and am determinedly not catching the severe cold that anne brought home, i can begin my happy november hibernating. i love this month...






election day: november 4, 2008

i thought i'd post this to get a little rise out of my anarchist friends, and to also proclaim a little bit of excitement for this historic and nerve-wracking election. :) adah spent the morning at the obama headquarters with her grandma bonnie, doing who the hell knows what. i asked her what she did there, and all she said was, "i was eatin' some lollipops!" anyway, this ordinary cynic (me) is both hopeful and biting my nails tonight.

HELP!!

i have no idea how many people regularly read this blog , but for those of you out there who do check in from time to time, we need your help. if you are a regular visitor here, or are in our lives in general, you already know that zanna, who makes regular appearances on this site, is adah's bestest little friend. adah loves her some zanna. so here's the deal: zanna and her parents (who i admire so much for how well they genuinely listen to their child) need some help getting to china. go here for more details and please do whatever you can to help them out!

a halloween menagerie



i wanted to post these pictures right away, but i'm still kind of at a loss for what to say because this experience, this trick or treating adah and zanna style, was over-the-top-cute, with their stops for carrots and apples on sidewalks, their faces both glowing and exhausted amidst the lit-looking leaves, their especially evident happiness and curiosity. i loved watching their demeanor and vastly different personalities as they experimented with knocking on doors and saying those things you're supposed to say on holidays like these. it was another heart widening and grinning experience, to say the least.

http://zannababy.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-halloween.html

some street lights are lesbians



we spent the afternoon celebrating a 2 year old friend's birthday, hunting down a new bread machine from craigslist, looking at nests of homemade pasta at pastaworks, drooling around the cookbook section at powells, and finally, having lots of lap time in the kid's section. bug picked out halloween books solely.

on the walk back to the car, she saw this streetlight in the fred meyer parking lot and said, "look at that funny streetlight!" i said, "yep-- it has three lights..."

to which adah replied, "it must be two moms and their baby!"

well, of course. what else would it be?

on weaning and emotionality:

i interrupt the celebratory halloween festivities to take some notes on weaning. google "weaning and emotionality" and what do you get? this article: "Effects of Post-Weaning Enrichment and Isolation Upon Emotionality and Brain Weight in the Mouse." no shit. not helpful.

i've been on the verge of tears for days, and i've been wandering around blaming my period, the wonderfully depressing great lake swimmers album i play on repeat, anne and i clashing through a complicated period of grief...and then it hit me, that on top of these things, our daughter decided that she didn't want to have anything to do with me.

okay, so that's a slight exaggeration, but i had to work my ass off last week at parent teacher conferences and couldn't put her to bed for several nights in a row, which has only ever happened once or twice before because i really cherish that time. you know, when it's cherishable and not a fight. i love discussing the day with her and talking about tomorrow's plans. i love hearing what's she's thankful for, and how she sings in that crackly voice. i love the questions she asks when we read and how she tucks in her dolls, letting them hog most of the bed.

so at the end of last week, even though i was finally available, the kid declared that she not only wanted almond milk, but she wanted her maddy to put her to bed. and when she woke up the next morning and i excitedly went to get her, she started screaming, "i want my other mama!" i was immediately brought back to the long beginning of adah's life, when i was the only one who could soothe her and it was so heartbreaking to anne. she got the serious non-biological lesbian mom shaft, and just had to wait patiently. now it's my turn. open up, heart.

so i have not nursed her to sleep for over a week now. she still wants a little milk in the mornings, but only if anne isn't around. i don't welcome the detachment, but i do honor what she needs, even though it hurts a little, this physical and emotional distancing.

and the drag queen said to adah,

"what are you for halloween?"

i love me some noodles

(mama mia trattoria 10/19/08)

thank you auntie liz...


for consistently sending the most fabulous mail. the envelopes themselves are a treat, not to mention the reams of stickers and books and cloth seahorse pins. amazing. turns out the kid is a mail devotee just like one of her mothers.

oh, the beauty!

(at fir point farms in canby, oregon)

what adah's been up to lately...


wondering if each character in every book has two moms, young women's olympic soccer, hide- and-seek with people or stuffed animals or leftover eggs from easter, discovering the physical ailments of every doll and animal in the house (this area is anne's speciality), asking questions about what it was like when she was a baby, learning how to dress and undress herself, and defying logic on a regular basis.

we are in the midst of looking at preschools, which is causing quite the anxious stir in my brain because there are so many great ones in the neighborhood, but they are all so markedly different. a dual language program? a small, home-based waldorfey place? a preschool run by a woman i know is an exceptional person and teacher, but whose preschool only has a parking lot and no grass or garden? i've crossed montessori off the list, but only because i work in a building that's connected to a montessori school and i happen to overhear things that drive me nuts: like forcing children to be silent while walking down the sidewalk, or saying the word "no" profusely, instead of finding a more clever way to redirect. this is not the montessori school we'd be sending her to anyway, but i'm just trying to narrow down the list here.

if you ask adah what kind of preschool she'd like to go to, it would have to have these characteristics, in this order: "doll cribs, blocks, cows, roller coasters, books, trucks, kitchens, dolls, blankies, and everything."

she's not particular either!

saturdays are for doing nothing and crafts



happy autumn, everyone.

rattle doctor (the video is now working)

i love how the wifey plays with our child. she is so great at rolling up her sleeves and getting on her hands and knees to foster some fantastic imaginative play. i'm not very good at this. i'm better at rolling up my sleeves and doing crafts, taking pictures while she paints, saying, "here, kid, let me show you how to braid a loaf of challah!" and reading books while modeling comprehension strategies.

so anyway, here are my love birds, playing doctor with animals and dolls, adah's favorite game lately. each of them has a different physical ailment. her doll circle, (yes, that's her name) had thrush the other day and her penguin recently had an infection. adah ran across the room saying, "i'll be right back. i'm going to the infection store for some medicine!" in this video scene at the crandall clinic, dr. had to fix a rattle.

so, so pretty!

you look pretty today, ms. nealis.
you look like a daisy.
no, you look like a peach in a meadow.
so pretty.


i kid you not. these are the precise and hilarious words i just heard as i was xeroxing something in the teacher's lounge, courtesy of an anonymous 13 year old girl. the sweetness of it improved my mood immensely, in my current state of panic about how i am going to be a good mom, partner, chef, and person who now has to write a goddamn thesis. i have been procrastinating on the latter for several years now. i may be in the running for person it takes the longest to acquire a master's degree after enrollment-- we're talking snail pace here.

so the time has come. after much family debating, i decided to enroll in this action research class on wednesday nights, after my especially long day at work, which pretty much means that i will have the opportunity to see my daughter for approximately 30 minutes each wednesday for the next 24 weeks, which makes me want to question where my priorities are. on the other hand, there are certainly things i like about being in school, especially under the guidance of a good professor, who i'm already sure i've got. i'm pretty sure it's going to be one of those slightly painful experiences that leave you feeling all exuberant at the end: you know, the epitome of a good, old fashioned learning experience. i try and remind my own students of this at the beginning of each semester when i'm explaining the reading requirements in my class, but they don't listen. i have a hard time hearing it, as well, but it's true. i’m trying to appreciate this brain-stretching experience here. more on this later because i have to go get the kiddo and acquire some donations for an upcoming auction... but in the meantime, let’s all keep our fingers crossed that sarah palin makes another huge ass of herself tonight.

port angeles: where the mountains meet the sea

no, this is not a post about how i almost swallowed a few ounces of toxic mercury from my amalgam filling a couple breakfasts ago, and how i'm convinced that my daughter and i both have serious neurological damage as a result.

this is a post about how the brutha has moved to port angeles, washington, which means that there are no more nealis' or kaplans' in montana. i'm sure the big sky state will miss our quirks, but we will not miss the 14 hour drive. because even though my brother and i find it necessary to quibble and quabble when we're even remotely near each other, we do feel the need to see each other often.

so... we spent the past weekend in port angeles and it was lovely. nothing like getting out of your own place so you can forget about your OCD tendencies and realize how much you love your home, even after only being gone for 32 hours. we had a great time, despite the fact that i made the mistake of ordering a prime rib sandwich on some really bad sourdough at a seafood restaurant. the foodie had to rear its pretty little head and make a scene. but just a little one, and it was much later in the day.

on saturday we hung out in a mini aquarium and watched my brother almost get his hand bit off by a crab. then we went out to eat, and spent most of the afternoon relaxing in his new living room, antagonizing him with with questions about his personal life. we took adah to the park, cooked a late dinner, and lazed around while anne spent a good deal of time looking up various spider breeds on google images due to the fact that there were several of them hanging from the porch. my dad, the guy who used to be a naturalist, was surprisingly convinced they were deadly.


the next morning, as we went out to the backyard in search of slugs to befriend, we discovered a goldmine: apples! gorgeous yellow plums that were so ripe they were translucent in parts! crimsonly pears! holy crap. out came the luggage to pack the pounds of fruit into. anne had to proclaim the word "enough" many times. she knows what the kitchen becomes when i go picking-crazy and then have to deal with the aftermath.


after the harvesting we headed to olympic national park for a hike. oh my god, it was beautiful in there: an all day twilight. we learned that the key to hiking with little people is the important game of hide and seek. little one counts in front of the tree, sometimes in an interesting order, and you head up the trail to help the hike progress. there was a whole world to hide and seek and breathe new in...